You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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