Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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