I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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