that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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