Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
