where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
