You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
