Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
