I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
