Dual....:-)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
