ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
