I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My feet surprised me
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