i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
