I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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