Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
