the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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