Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
