I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
