Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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