Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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