I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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