i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i now understand why vodka
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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