okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
