I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
