Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
