There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
