How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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