I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
