you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
