wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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