the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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