Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
