I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
