if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize