if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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