TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize