yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
