I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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