Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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