he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
