SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
