you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
