I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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