Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
