I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
