He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
