All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
