My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
