I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
