i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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