We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
