This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
