just come out here and I will go home with you...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
