TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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