my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
