Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
