My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
