I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
