Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
