Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
