I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
