I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
