Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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