i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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