we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
