im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
