girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
BRING THE BAGELS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
