yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
