dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
