I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize