I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
