Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
