Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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