so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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