Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
