So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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