so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
