Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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