No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
