dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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