Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
