I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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